Seoulite in Progress

i feel like death. I have been sick for the past week. Apparently it is inevitable for one to become sick the first month regardless of the thousands of mg of vitamins you take. It's like a rite passage. "Have you been sick since your arrival? No. Then you haven't really lived in Seoul yet"

Well here I am sick as a dog and not ready to take on the day with the culprits: the slimy balls of snotty children. The word "etiquette" is more foreign to them than I am. People cough and sneeze in your face, slam into you, push you for a seat on the train, and cut you in line. I went to a stand up comedy last week, and one of the comedians said it best "they don't bless you after you sneeze because they hope you die and take your train seat".

I am the art teacher at school, so my work life has never been this easy. This job is easier than working the cash register at Bed bath and beyond. I just walk into the class and ask the kids what the material is for the day or tell them to draw a bridge with cars and voila! The kids are so weird and smart and crazy (the adults are too). This kid in one of my classes always looks out the window because he thinks North Korea will attack us. I wonder what home life is like at his house....

After they've done their class work, I check it by drawing an image they like. This girl is obsessed with poop. I call her PoopGirl.

PoopGirl loves poop

She cracked up laughing at her drawing. 

The best part of my day is lunch. The food is soooo good. You all thought I'd lose weight here, well you were wrong, I can't stop eating! As far as I know I haven't eaten anything weird yet or if I did, I don't know. Ignorance is bliss. They also provide dinner so i don't even have to go grocery shopping, not that i'd know what to get anyway since everything is in Korean. The brands I do recognize are three times the price than back at home and I don't miss home that much. (Update: I had what I thought was a delicious sweet ramen looking plant, turns out it was DRIED UP SQUID).

DRIED SQUID ewwww (I liked it)

Last weekend I went on the "Halloween Boat Cruise" as Catwoman, I never was hit on by so many lesbians. I met Jack Sparrow and was a celebrity for a night. I'd get stopped in the streets and asked to take pictures with  "Johnny Depp" (they actually thought it was him) and was revered for my curves... "I want to be you" the girls would tell me. Women have such low self esteem, every time I meet a Korean woman I complement her and make sure she knows she is a pretty woman and to never look down on herself. Two girls I teach were actually arguing about who was uglier. There are shops that sell skin whitening, large colored contacts that make your iris larger and have eye lid stickers to pull back their eyelids to give them that crease, and glasses without lenses that pull the eye lid back. Awful.
Anyway here I am in all my bootyliciousness. Meow.

This decision to want to come out here was the best idea I have had this year for myself. This is exactly what I needed, what I ordered and expected. I have not felt stressed or anxious, I have not felt sad or depressed. The only time I felt sympathy for someone was while watching Sandra Bullock spiraling out of control in space. I mean, who wouldn't?! You can't NOT not think about  your insignificance when you watch anything that has to do with space (don't worry I do not teach grammar in my classes...was that a triple negative?) 

I have not had any culture shock, or encountered anything alarmingly strange. I just embrace it and think of it as weirdly awesome. I love that there are coffee shops at every corner. the coffee is amazing, the fashion is so funky, classy and fun. I have not seen anyone looking disheveled yet, if they are then it is on purpose. This kid was probably 13 years old, had the Bieber hair cut and would check himself out every 30 seconds in the train window and his camera phone. He would whip his hair so many times, I had a headache just looking at him. The shopping is great, I am pretty sure that by the end of the year, my transformation into a Korean will be completed. At the moment, I am a Seoulite in progress and embracing all the weirdness. Seoul: Stay Weird.

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