If You Go To Vietnam: EAT ALL THE THINGS!

September 03, 2014

Guys, Captain Obvious called me. He was as surprised as me in informing that: "Holyshitballs, it's September!" Shut the front door. I swear. Here is a recap of the past two months:

Gay parade. Fabulous, duh.

ULTRA Music Festival Pool Party with T-Pain (Huh? T-Pain? South Korea, really? - you).

New teaching job at an upgraded school. As I sashayed out of that retched evil place, I made sure to let the ex-supes know she was a rancid bitch who dressed like a Christmas tree (okay, I didn't say the Christmas tree part...or the bitch part...I didn't say anything). Thankfully the new school has some good kids and good group of foreign teachers. Where has this school been in my eight months of working?

The end of an era. IndySeoulSistas hashtag becomes obsolete: Laura returns to the States #IndySoleSista

VIETNAM:

My time there can be summarized in one word: FOOD. However, I will expand a few hundred more. Halong Bay, the UNESCO World Heritage site, and all around breathtaking scenery of limestone karsts, caves, and isles, was simply stunning. It was reminiscent of my trip to Koh Phi Phi but hey, I ain't complainin'!

The visit in a rural village in Mai Chau was quite shocking. We took a guided bicycle ride in the local villages and minority tribes. So much feels! So eye opening! People live in what I characterize as dilapidated open brick homes. Cows walking around like they own the place; dogs running amok and fornicating at every turn; and chickens being badasses - taking shit from no one. So naturally, there was poop everywhere. But, that lifestyle made me realize how much of a fucking bitch life is, man! It humbled me, made me realize how lucky I am, and gave me a new found respect for these people's tendencies, earnestness, and grit!

Interesting side bit of that trip: we "enjoyed" a 14 kilometer (more like never ending kilometers) motorbike ride to Hoa Binh Lake the next day. Prior to our departure, we were given, maybe, 10 - 20 minutes instructions on how to ride a semi-automatic motorbike. I predicted I would not fair well and guess what, I did not fair well. Sure, you can tell me "laws of attractions Jen, think positive, fake it till you make it" until you are blue in da face. I could not fake this: my motorbike had broken rear view mirrors, a broken speedometer and gas gauge and, the "piece-de-resistance":loose breaks!! I fell off twice. My body reacted by generating deep purple bruising the size of my entire thigh. Let me also mention that Vietnamese drivers are nuts. They put their entire house and families on their bikes, there are no stop lights in sight, and they do not use turning signals. Instead, they honk (which elicits the you-are-about-to-die-on-a-motorbike-in-bumblefuck-rural-Vietnam fear). Fuck you, Vietnam. I hated every minute of that bike ride. I was also the last one to arrive to our home stay (were they worried? Naaaaahhh). If it weren't for my friend's bravery to still be a part of the experience, rejoin the group after a trial of her own (she got lost, unnoticed by our tour guide), and tell the guy who was driving her to stop every few minutes, I'd be a local now.

Besides that bout of scare, it was unbelievable. I will always remember this trip. The hostel was so friendly, we met some good-natured and fun-loving people, the food...THE FOOD! You could tell me I was going to a place where only a few people have stepped foot on, where only hot celebrity look-alikes resided, where fluffy baby jaguars cuddled you, or dolphins could carry a conversation...it would not matter. "What time is lunch?" would be my question.

Oh yeah...I got my phone/wallet stolen. You know that feeling when your heart sinks? Yeah. So many emotions on that trip. I got it back thankfully, thanks to this honest person who returned it ...wanting a ransom...after depleting me of my cash! Dick.

Korea is celebrating Chuseok at the end of this week. It is basically their Thanksgiving, so I will take these few days off to...Tokyo! Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto!

Sayonara~Your Harajuku Girl~